Ive been having a rough month and half as most of you know. Life was slowly shifting back to normal until yesterday. Once again death has entered my life. My one and only grandmother I grew up knowing has dementia and recently moved to live with my Uncle so she could be taken care of more closely. I think this was very hard for her to move away from her home which she lived in for many many years. I think it was too much for her and her health started to take the brunt of it all. She is now in the hospital and the doctors give her until New Years to live.
I owe everything to my Mother and Grandmother. As a child I spent many weekends during the summers driving out to her farmhouse and helping in the garden. All my Aunts, Mom and Grandma giving each other perms and all of us kids staying outside because of the horrible smell of those perms. Just think of all those chemicals...yikes. We played on her property all day long except to eat and pee. There were lots of barns to play in, some scary and some fun. Chicken coop, goat barn, Grandpa's wood workshop and of course the garden. Oh how I loved that huge garden. Eating tomatoes till I had a stomach ache was my main goal each day. Digging up potatoes, eating more raspberries than I would pick for jelly, touching all the beautiful sunflowers laying out to dry, and bringing lots of wonderful produce to our apartments later in the day. What we could not use my mom would give to friends in need.
Now it's a rush to get anything we want from my grandmother's home. Were pretty sure that the state will sell off everything including her home so they can use the money to take care of her how ever long she lives. In order to prepare myself I need to stop my regular daily agenda. I'm sure once I take a step in her home its going to be a emotional roller coaster. I need to be strong for my Mom and Aunt who are the ones taking most the brunt of this. So for now I will be taking a break.
I'm saddened by the fact I won't be able to see her anymore. She has always been there and always had her door open for everyone. I'm sad I won't be able to go to her farmhouse anymore. Sucks knowing it will be gone very soon. I'm sad my girls were not able to get to know her better. I just hope I can give girls these kinds of memories to keep and share with their children some day.
So for now I'm saying see you later. This is not goodbye. I will be back as soon as I can. And of course I will be reading all comments and answering any questions you may have. Hopefully 2011 will be a better year.